"When I was in Delhi, I saw human excrement lying everywhere."
Poor Mrs. Ghandi was terribly embarrassed, but only for a moment, because just ahead was a man sitting on his heels, shitting on the side of the road. She pointed this out.
Khrushchev was livid and didn't hesitate: "Driver, get out immediately and shoot that man!"
The driver got out, walked up to the man with his gun drawn, spoke briefly, and then returned to the car.
"Sir, I can't shoot that man, he's the Indian ambassador."
Two gays are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side of the road licking his prick. "I sure wish I could do that," said the one gay. To which the other replied,
"Don't you think you ought to pet him first??"
Your basic virgin female was all set to get married to a virile man, when her mother took her aside for a little pre-nuptial advice.
"Dear, I know you love this man," the mother began. "And we've tried to welcome him into our family. But there is something you must know. These men like to make love in a disgusting way, so if he ever asks you to turn over before making love, DON'T do it. It's degrading and painful, and it will ruin your marriage."
So the wedding is fine. The happy couple enjoys their first month of marital bliss, when one night, the man says to his wife, "Honey, let's try making love a little differently tonight. Why don't you roll over?"
The woman loses it. "You brute," she sobs. "My mother warned me about you men, I can't believe you would do this to me."
"But honey," the startled man replies. "I just thought you might want to have children."
Q: Why do doctors spank babies when they are born?
A: To knock the dicks off the dumb ones.
O broke a nail, Oh I could cry.
Don't you like how my tushy sways?
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
Barak O-bama's words upon my ears,
"You Guys have rights, be proud you're Queers."
I once was scared, now I'm okay,
Cause I'm a Fag in the QUEEN BERETS.
Put silver earclips on my nuts,
I love the pain, now spank my butt.
The way you walk is awfully cute.
I sure would LOVE to pack your chute.
This Army stuff is awfully slick,
Free meals and clothes, and lots of dicks.
When I retire, I'll still get paid.
I thank you O-bama, from the Queen Berets.
A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did.
The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:
"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."
Q: Why do Japanese Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from feminists.